The Diary: Eddie’s Latest One-Liners

My name is Stan Van Gundy and I’m Ron Jeremy’s stunt double. I learned how to play Rashard Lewis with Pietrus and Hedo, and it helped me win a big game for once. I’m no Jeff.

My name is LeBron James and I shouldn’t take nine days off ever again. I also finally got to play a half-decent team in the Playoffs, and they were able to expose our offense, which consists of three plays.

My name is JJ Reddick. Sometimes I have bad shooting nights because I don’t go out to practice my three; instead before a big game I sit in the locker room next to Hedo — who’s eating pizza — and work on my hairdo with a bottle of gel and a comb.

My name is Kobe Bryant, and I miss being 25, where no matter who you were, I would have taken your ass to the rim for a dunk or two guaranteed free throws.

My name is George Karl and I simply can’t get it done. Nor can I get a suit that fits perfectly and doesn’t make me look like Koko the Clown. In Game 7 in Los Angeles, when the Lakers are up by 1 and we have the ball with 6 seconds left on the clock in the fourth quarter, I’ll once again have Anthony Carter — the shortest player on my team — take the ball out of bounds where he’s met by Lamar Odom — a near 7-footer who played street ball in New York. I will have him pass to Chauncey, a guy who walks so slow to get the pass, telegraphing it to the entire court, that we’re bound to give them a steal and a win in a game we probably should have won.

My name is Kenyon Martin and I just fouled Kobe Bryant 30 feet from the basket in the biggest game of the last 20 years in our franchise’s history by reaching in for some reason while three people were defending him.

My name is Carmelo Anthony and I need to be traded to a team where my potential will grow into a championship, and not a team where my teammate feuds with Mark Cuban, uses double negatives in every sentence, and where the number of tats on our team combined is greater than the number of dumb decisions our coach has made this season. Either way, I’m set on showing everyone I’m that damn good and MJ knew something when he gave me that Nike deal.

My name is J.R. Smith and I really don’t give a damn if we beat the Lakers or not. Why should I care if my club’s owner doesn’t believe in us and would rather watch RAW?

My name is Blake Griffin and David Stern’s ping pong balls screwed me for life.

Can’t you just picture a depressed-looking Baron Davis bouncing off Marcus Camby and Zach Randolph during timeouts as Eric Gordon and Blake Griffin cry aloud? The NBA – Where Mike Dunleavy Happens.

To Be a Sports Fan in L.A.

It’s no secret to those of you who follow this blog, and to those of you who know me personally, that I love basketball. It’s one of my favorite sports, and I love writing about it. I realized today, that it’s quite a special treat to be a basketball fan in Los Angeles. I think we, as human beings, often take things for granted in life, and it hit me today that I’m lucky to love basketball and live here.

You see, this is a very unique city when it comes to sports in general. We used to have a football team that moved out, and we still haven’t filled the gap. Other than that major hole, however, we’re covered… and then some!

Basketball — Los Angeles is the only city with two NBA teams. On top of that, they play in the same arena, as the Lakers and Clippers share Staples Center.
Baseball — The Los Angeles Dodgers are a city attraction, while 40 miles away, the Anaheim Angels can be considered “the second L.A. team,” though we don’t all get along.
Hockey — If the Clips and Lakers weren’t enough, Staples Center has to make room on the schedule for hockey, as the Los Angeles Kings play their NHL matches there. Again, the Anaheim Ducks are only 40 miles away.
Soccer — Los Angeles is the only city that has two teams in Major League Soccer, as Los Angeles Galaxy and Chivas USA share The Home Depot Center in Carson, an L.A. suburb.

Not enough to convince you of the power of Los Angeles when it comes to sports? I can probably add by telling you that it’s the only city which will have three representatives in the 2009 NCAA Tournament, as UCLA, USC, and Cal State Northridge found themselves in the big dance.

Because this is Los Angeles, and we all seem to either have a busy life, or some of us don’t care, you can really take all of this for granted. But if you’re a true sports fan like me, you have to be aware of it. Which is why I feel that I haven’t been grateful enough to have these amazing teams play in my city.

What made me realize all this? I spent my Sunday with friends watching on TV the Lakers play against the Mavericks — an early home game at Staples Center, which started at 12:30 PM and ended at 3 PM. Then, as soon as the game ended, I got in my car and drove to meet up with another friend. You see, we had tickets for the 6:30 PM Clippers/Nets game at… you guessed it – Staples Center.

Only in Los Angeles…

Stoudemire Likely to Miss Rest of Season

Living in Los Angeles and being a big Laker fan makes you feel a certain way about the Phoenix Suns. They have been our main division nemesis in the last few years. The Mike D’Antoni coached Suns were quite the team, and every time they faced the Lakers it was dramatic. The games were always good. The match-ups were loads of fun, as Rajah Bell and Kobe Bryant started their weird feud, while Shawn Marion and Lamar Odom tried to out-hustle each other every game. Heck, even Phil Jackson and Mike D’Antoni went at it a few times. Steve Nash was at his peak, and the Suns’ Seven-Seconds-Or-Less strategy was one of the hottest topics in the NBA.

It’s hard to feel bad about your division rival, but today I truly feel bad for the Suns. News broke that Amare Stoudemire will most likely miss the rest of the season (out at least 8 weeks) after an eye injury he suffered on Wednesday night at Staples Center, against the Clippers. You know what’s weird? I went to that game on Wednesday. I saw Amare get hit in the first quarter, and nobody made a deal out of it because he seemed to be fine.

When you go to a Clippers game, you’re bound to be depressed, especially if you’re a Clips fan. The franchise is just one big joke at this point in time. From the moment you arrive at Staples, the lines are minimal, and you get in after 10 minutes because there aren’t that many people going to the games. Once you’re inside, you get a feel of everything that’s wrong with the Clippers. I don’t know what it will take for this team to fire their coach and GM Mike Dunleavy. The players can’t stand him. The audience can’t stand him. The owner refuses to fire him because he has to pay him a large amount of money (due to a release clause in his contract). He might as well pay it because he’s losing money running this franchise!

Thus going to a Clippers game consists of few highlights. Other than the “Fire Dunleavy!” chants the audience starts, the sad picture of Baron Davis, one of the best fast-ball point guards in the league, playing half-sets jogging on the court in disgust, and getting booed when he shoots an air ball, there really isn’t a whole lot going on. On Wednesday, Al Thornton turned it on, playing a decent game, shooting 14-27 for his 33 points. But that wasn’t the highlight either. It also wasn’t the fast-break play that the Suns (who are now back to run-and-gun style basketball) got into at one point in time where Shaq played point guard (this was awesome!). No. The highlight of the game was Amare. The guy who apparently played with a partially detached retina and scored 42 points, going 15-20 from the field and 12-13 from the free throw line.

You see, for the first time in the Steve Kurr era, the Suns were motivated again. There was no drama. There was no misunderstandings or confusion in their play. It’s the style of basketball they were used to playing, and loved playing, thus did great. They scored 30, 37, 36, and 39 points in four quarters for a grand total of 142. They had scored 144 on the Clips the night before in Phoenix. Granted the Clips don’t play defense, it’s not something to go crazy about, but it was a sign. A sign that they were returning to their old form. I can’t describe to you how happy Nash was to be running again. Shaq was sweating like crazy, but wanted in. (By the way, if you get the opportunity to see Shaq live, you really should. Words can’t describe how big he is!) The Suns were that team again.

And it all came crashing down today. There were the talks of trading Amare. Then they fired Terry Porter (good move!), and refused to move Amare. They tried to move Shaq because they knew they’re going back to D’Antoni’s game, and Shaq tries his best, but at this time in his career, it’s not for him. It didn’t happen, but the Suns didn’t get discouraged. They kept playing. Even though I’m a fan of their rivals, I was happy to see all this. A strong Phoenix team makes our division that much better, and our conference that much better. You need good competition to be a solid team. Thus the news of Amare’s injury is a huge blow to all Suns fans, and to me, an NBA fan in general. I hope he gets through this!